“It just wasn’t meant to be.”
“It wasn’t the right time.”
“God closes some doors so others will be opened.”
When someone you know has suffered a loss, do you find yourself struggling for the right words to say? All of the above statements are valid, kind hearted things to say, and are very often said with the best of intentions. But there’s something about these kinds of statements that don’t quite hit the mark.
Why not try this:
“Dude. That totally sucks for you.”
Because a lot of the time that’s the simple truth: Something was lost, you hurt real bad, and no one is inside your brain (or heart) to know exactly how bad you feel. And when someone comes along and acknowledges this simple truth, I think it can make you feel better.
You might be thinking that all of this insight is coming from my recent miscarriage. Surprisingly, it’s not. Rather, it’s this:
Last week I wrote about how I had my dream job working as the general manager for NursingLink and I quit for various reasons. On January 4th the news broke that Affinity Labs (parent company of Nursing Link) was sold to Monster.com for $61 million.
Part of my salary was in shares of Affinity Labs, which had less than 30 employees when I worked there. You do the math.
So. Did I lose out on a big chunk of change? Probably. Are my reasons for quitting still valid? Absolutely. Either way, when I heard the news I was really quite beside myself. Actually, I was kind of freaking out and I really wanted to talk to someone about it. And everyone I talked to said things like, “Well, you made the best decision for your family.” and “Who knows if you would have been able to cash out on it.” I know the people who said these things really had the best of intentions. But the one thing I wanted someone to say (and no one did) was this:
“Dude. That. Sucks. Hard.”
That way I could say, “Yes, it certainly does suck,” and move on to my next adventure.
Does the fact that a financial loss upset me more than the loss of an unborn child make me a greedy capitalist pig? Perhaps. Was it Socrates that said “Know thyself”? In the meantime I told Benjamin what an expensive kid he is turning out to be and he just laughs and eats another cheerio.
